#MeToo & #ShittyFamilies

The reality is, I made a video a few months ago when #MeToo was flooding the media. I made the initiative to record my video the day a video was shared of Ellen DeGeneres’ response to the #MeToo movement. I recorded myself, shared my story, added my logo, and got it ready to share with the world... and then there it sat: with all of my other collected memories and photos of my life, cataloged but not expressed.

I knew that what I was conveying was so powerful, but I also felt prey to fear… the same fear which has allowed and continued to allow “Me Too” to even exist. The same fear that most women have for speaking up… afraid to not be heard, and afraid to be put in an inferior position because of it.

For the same reasons Ellen mentioned in her video, as what we are conditioned to believe, “young girls are taught to stay quiet and be nice and that boys are stronger and girls are somehow less than,” and how “it's hard for us to speak out, and even when we do speak out, people don't believe us.” I feared sharing my truth.

I feared sharing it for another key reason that Ellen also mentions, which is a touchy subject for people, is that “this happens in families.” Because it’s been difficult to have these conversations in our families, they are almost never had. Because they are rarely had… they are easily dismissed, forcing these experiences to become stories of the imagination versus reality.

The variation in my #MeToo was that I wasn’t afraid of exposing my perpetrator and I wasn’t afraid of sharing my story for the first time…I was afraid of exposing the truth again and not being heard. Lately, in my journey of “Escaping the Chains” what I say is not perceived as truth, it’s only built walls against a life I thought I knew... the life others created for me.

I still have nightmares, and the first time I spoke up was over 15 years ago. At first I told my mom, and then I called my Dad. I told him that his friend, who was my boss, grabbed my ass and I walked out and quit my job. At the time it happened I didn’t know I was supposed to do anything. I was attempting to be brave, but afraid as hell beneath the surface.

And after my Dad went to speak with him, he called me back… and told me that I could have my job back… and that they would forgive me for walking out. I was hurt, but more so confused. After digging down to unlock strength inside of me, I was left feeling in the wrong. It didn’t matter what happened to me, all that mattered was “what was I going to do for money?”

It makes more sense to me today, for the reaction I received then. It was only a few weeks ago when I had the conversation with my Dad for the second time. He was upset with me for bringing up the topic during the Dr.Phil Show, and dismissed my reality once again by defining what I spoke about was that the owner “allegedly” grabbed my ass.

Allegedly. My Dad just diminished years of my conformity to an “allegedly”. Images of him voting for President Trump flashed in front of my mind once again. My Dad is this mentality. My Dad is the system. It’s only now that I understand that then he was so disconnected from my moment, from my reality… to protect his. A daughter’s cry for help disguised as an attack on his position.

This happens in our families. Girls and young women are taught to conform to the role of being “quiet and nice,” and only accepted if we play the part. #MeToo is only an issue in our world, because it’s an issue in our homes. Until we teach our brother’s, nephew’s, uncle’s and father’s how to be men… we can’t protect the rest of the ladies out in our world.