The "Princess" that I am...
This is an email my Dad forwarded to me last night, that I sent to my family back in 2015... When I started to really see the true racist nature of the environment I was raised in. My Dad is using this email to prove his point in which I used to "call myself a Queen, before Charnell was in the picture" and how now "I've been demoted to a Princess."
Erica, Read below when you referred to your self as the Queen? This is before Charnell came into the picture. Love Dad On Dec 25, 2015, at 9:43 AM, From: "Erica" Hi Grandma & Grandpa, (And the rest of our family.) I am bothered by the simplicity of your last email, and yet again feeling the guilt being put on me for not making this trip possible. I'm glad I didn't drag my son and Chris across the country to see a bunch of people who will not accept them. Our culture and generation are breeding racism and this has been another clear example. I left Long Island to find something better and I found something more amazing then I could have imagined. You all want to talk about you "miss the old Erica", "this isn't the Erica I used to know". And that's true. I have grown better and stronger than that old Erica. The old Erica didn't respect herself, stand up for herself, had poor eating habits, hid the fact that she was an alcoholic, and can tell you countless stories of waking up in the bed of a stranger not knowing what happened during a few hours the night before... or what his name was. ( know this happened to me, I know this has happened to my sister and my cousiin, and I'm scared as hell for it to happen to my little sisters. (Who you are all now pinning against me.) ...Or the Erica who cried in her room for hours because she didn't know how to tell anyone (not even Karina, her best friend) that her boss kept trying to corner her at work to have sex with her. She didn't even know that this was something she could stand up against!!! This was why she ran! She quit the cake shop in Carle Place because she was disgusted of her own reflection and weakness she saw of her self and wanted a place to start over. We're breeding weak women who can't stand up for themselves and its sickening. My Aunt who couldn't stand up to my Uncle who was abusing my cousin, and my mother who after years of divorce still can't stand up to my father! You think because you saw a smile on my face every holiday that I was happy! Same thing just happened with my little cousin. Hiding behind his smiles. You've all been around him and couldn't pick up on the signs that he's crying out for help? Do we have to wait for someone to die until we really do something better? We keep hurting each other and we don't want to accept it or talk about it. I'm here fighting for a better cause I see a better. You all have to look at yourselves. You've made us be quiet about the abuse (or possible rape) of my cousin, pill addictions and suicidal thoughts of my brother, continued to feed alcohol to my alcoholic uncle, and now trying to silence and push aside the heroin addiction of my little cousin, and treat it as if the world has done something to him. I left because I wanted a better and I know there's a better. I fight because I want all of you to learn how to love yourselves honestly! I'm sick to my stomach each time I hear about any of you back on Long Island hurting yourselves and Chris and I fight everyday in attempts to get to a better place so we don't have to keep doing this to each other. There's a real love. A better way we can treat each other. A better way we can work together as a family and honestly be there for each other. We must stop the abuse, the addictions and the pain we are causing each other! Chris saw the strength inside of me. Chris saw the light inside of me. Chris knew I deserved better for myself, and has been helping me fight for it everyday. Since they day I met Chris I've been learning what real love is from his example. The love that doesn't allow me to hurt myself. The love that inspires me to fight for something. The love that has real conversations and finishes them. And even though I continue to fight the racism out of myself, and the way I've treated him buy my learned examples of my culture, he still loves me unconditionally. I feel like a Queen waking up to this King every morning. And our little King Kioni deserves the world. I'm disgusted at what I've been hearing back from the family. You all will not accept him because of the color of his skin and the image of money. You need to take a closer look at yourselves. Kioni will accept all and every human for who they are, and consider them for who they present themselves to be and not just categorize them for the color of their skin. My mom has also have allowed my father to manipulate her thoughts, as she has been allowing since day one. After a divorce to my mother and his lying nature, his words are still considered and put over anything I've said to anyone about my growth, my wonderful man, and my new love for life. I will not allow anyone to hold and kiss Kioni until they met Chris first. He deserves countless apologies and thanks for the stronger woman he's be helping me grow into. You can inform the family. Enjoy your holiday, enjoy your life. I'll be here for when any of you are ready to CALL, ask for Chris and apologize for your insults and lack of acceptance. I will no longer tolerate it. So Merry Christmas! My gift to all of you this year is the truth, the honest truth. Do what you want with it. Love Always, Erica
Reality is, I get treated like a Queen, everyday, every waking moment... Since the Day I met Chris. The problem is, I behave like a "Princess." I still fight real love, honesty, and consideration from a man who's every waking moment is about loving his family. The "Princess" is the racist bratty little girl I'm trying to fight off inside me everyday, and once I beat her and choose to do what's necessary for myself and my family in all moments vs. doing what I want... then I can call myself a Queen. It's then that I will be a Queen.